It's Been A While

I'm not sure if anyone is even following anymore, but I decided that I really need to get back to updating this blog regularly. I recently read some of the "heart family" blogs that helped me get through my pregnancy with Claire. Most of their HLHS babies (who aren't babies anymore) are still trucking along and have had/are going to have their third surgery. Sadly there are a couple families who have lost their heart babies. After reliving it all again and having a good cry, their blogs have inspired me to try to start this up again. I might not always post about life after a loss or Brady, but I will have something to talk about.

When you have a traumatic experience in your life it's so helpful and so important to talk about it in some way. Reading those blogs really brought it all back to the surface. Yeah, you get back to your daily routine, chasing around a toddler sure helps, but inside, the pain is still there. It never goes away. I still have bad days. Just a few months ago I went to the cemetery and laid down by Claire and cried. At every new stage that Brady hits, I think about what Claire would be doing right now and wonder what she would look like. We saw a picture of Brad at Christmas when he was 18 months old and you couldn't tell the difference between him and Brady. I wonder if Claire would have looked more like me.

I recently took a new job for a non-profit company that provides services for people with mental illness. Although I am not a counselor myself, I feel so fulfilled and proud to work for a company that helps people who have been through traumatic events in their lives. Pregnancy loss/infant loss is sadly much more common than you think. Most of my co-workers don't even know what we've been through, but it doesn't matter.

I always like to end on a happy note, so here is a recent picture of Brady. He is almost 19 months now. Unreal. He is a chatterbox and is currently obsessed with Mickey, especially the Hot Dog Dance, Elmo, and choo choos. He is my world.