Sometimes I question whether I'm cut out for being a full-time working mom. I also question whether I could be a SAHM. SAHM's are amazing in my opinion! Why can't there be a happy medium of working 2 or 3 days a week and staying home 2 or 3 days a week? I know some people have that luxury, but with the cost of daycare, even part-time daycare, it's just not an option for us.
I sometimes feel like I am slacking in the mom area, because I'm exhausted by the time I get home from work. And then I have to keep Brady occupied - Thank God for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - while I get dinner ready. I'm terrified for him to start school. How will I ever keep up with the PTA moms?! I know, I need to quit worrying, but man sometimes it's just hard. After losing Claire, I swore I wanted 3 more kids. I'm now re-evaluating that thought. I just don't think I can do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to have these problems. I don't know where I would be right now if I didn't have Brady. He has brought so much joy after such a difficult time in our lives.
Prime example, I forgot to leave Brady's coat at daycare this morning. He had to borrow one in order to play outside. Really, what was I thinking?! I can't really tell you. My brain is fried, and I kind of need a nice long vacation from everything. Actually, I would take just a couple nights of uninterrupted sleep. But, that's not going to happen. I will keep trucking along doing the best that I can, and that's all I can do.
My boss told me this morning that I can't always be supermom. I need to keep telling myself this. She is so right. I love my little man with all my heart and would do anything for him. That is enough. Sadly, some kids don't even get that. I don't need to be the mom who has an immaculate house, or who cooks a gourmet, organic meal every night, or who bakes some new delicious recipe from scratch every day. That's just not going to happen. I am perfectly happy with our crazy, messy, hug-filled lives!
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