5 on Friday

I hope to keep up with doing either a 5 on Friday or a Friday Funny post every week. They're kind of fun to do and I enjoy reading others'.

1. Last weekend Brad's mom came over to watch Brady for a couple hours, so we could go out and shop for a new mattress and bedroom set. We've had the same Target bedroom furniture since we moved in together 9 years ago. The dresser drawers are all out of line and don't close correctly anymore. The mattress sinks down on each side where we lay and there is a huge hump in the middle. It was time! I'm so excited about what we bought. I've been wanting an upholstered headboard for a while now, and surprisingly Brad was on board. We bought a pretty traditional cherry wood dresser and two matching nightstands. And...we upgraded to a king-sized mattress! We won't even have to touch each other anymore! Seriously though, I prefer to sleep sprawled out, especially in the summer. I cannot wait!

2. Brady slept through the night 2 out of the last 5 nights. I wasn't joking when I said he is a horrible sleeper. I think he was like 5 months old the last time he slept through the night with that frequency. It's amazing what not being sick does for his sleeping. Please keep your fingers crossed that this continues. Mommy has over a year's worth of sleep to catch up on!

3. Next week we are going to see Luke Bryan...for the 4th time. I kind of love him. As much as I would love to see Nirvana or Sublime in concert, it will never happen, so Luke Bryan is the next best option. I will cry when he sings "Drink a Beer" like I do every other time I listen to that song. I contemplated buying this shirt. I'm not sure Brad is a fan though.

4. I am holding myself to a strict no spend February and March. By no spend, I mean no more buying clothes. I had some Christmas money to spend, but I did go a little crazy this month. I bought a top from Modcloth, a pair of jeans on sale from American Eagle, the 2 items I bought from Stitch Fix, and I spent my lunch hour Wednesday in the clearance section of Target. I bought this in the navy check pattern, this, this, a $10.50 navy blazer similar to the one I got from Stitch Fix, and a pair of grey ankle pants for a whopping total of $67. Most of these items I got cheaper in the store than they show online. Don't forget to download the Target Cartwheel App. There are some great deals out there. I also got this top from Target. The link on their website isn't working so here's a picture. It's hard to tell, but it's a really cute owl print.


5. I have a heavy heart today. One of my co-workers from my previous job passed away yesterday. She had breast cancer about 12 years ago, but fought it and was "cancer free" until about 3 years ago when they found that the cancer had metastasized (moved/spread) in her liver. She just couldn't quite fight this time. She was so strong and would never tell you that she was feeling horrible or in pain. She continued to work 4 days a week through chemo treatments. What breaks my heart the most about all of this is that she was only in her mid-50's. She has two young daughters, one who is a freshman in college and one who is a junior in high school. I am so sad for them. All of my prayers are with her family right now.

I also have a confession. I started typing this post yesterday, 100% thinking it was Friday. I was about half way through and realized it was only Thursday. Mommy brain at it's best! Hope everyone has a great weekend! Go Peyton Manning!

My Heart Melted

My heart melted last night. Brady loves to Face Time with Brad's parents. I think Grandma and Grandpa love it just as much. I've said it before, but we are so lucky to have them close. Brady sees them frequently and gets so excited to see them. Brad's mom watched him last Saturday for a while during the day. When she pulled up, he ran to the window and was waving and said hi approximately 100 times in a row. It makes me so happy so see him so happy. I wish he had the same relationship with my parents, but being 2 1/2 hours away, he just doesn't see them as much.

So last night they were on Face Time just chatting away. It was time for a bath so they were saying their good-byes. Brady then proceeds to say "hug," and picks up the phone and hugs it. Cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. I think I may have had tears in my eyes. This is the sort of thing that makes me want to have 10 more babies. Just kidding...sort of...

Brady is also apparently in to taking pictures now. We really need to take advantage of this phase. He got a fireman's hat for Christmas, and was playing with it the other night. Brad told him he wanted to take a picture of him with his hat on. Brady goes and stands next to Brad, looks straight in to the camera and says, "Cheese!". He was all in to it, posing, making different faces, etc. Seriously, the kid cracks me up. Watch out. He'll be doing his own selfies in no time!

Here are a couple pics for your viewing pleasure:

Stitch Fix #2

Let me preface this post by saying a few things:
1. I am not a fashion blogger. I wish I was, but it's just not going to happen.
2. These pictures were taken at 9PM last night after I had worked 8 hours, came home and cooked dinner, played with a toddler, and gone through the whole bedtime process with him. There was no time for fixing my hair or makeup. Please don't judge!
3. I realize the night time lighting in our house is horrible and that our bedroom mirror is filthy. I'll try a little harder next time.

Ok, now that that is out of the way. I received Stitch Fix #2 yesterday! I actually scheduled it to come Friday of last week, but we'll blame the Polar Vortex on it being late. This one was even better than the first! I opened up the box and at first glance thought, "I'm going to want to keep the whole box." Everything was my style, although not all things I would pick out for myself in a store, which is the point of Stitch Fix.

If you're not familiar with Stitch Fix here is a quick overview:
Go to the Stitch Fix website. Create a login and fill out the Style Profile. Schedule a fix. There is a little bit of a waiting period. A personal stylist will pick out 5 items for you based on your style profile, and mail them to your home. You pay $20 as a stylist fee upfront. The $20 then goes toward what you purchase. When you receive your items, you have 3 days to try everything on and decide what you want to keep and what you want to send back. If you keep all 5 items, you get a 25% discount. If you keep nothing you do lose your $20. Send back what you don't want in the prepaid envelope. Fill out the survey online about what you kept and didn't keep and why, and you're done. It's so convenient!

I didn't take pictures of everything that I received the first time, but here are the two things that I kept. I wear the scarf probably once a week. I love it! And the blouse fits perfectly and looks good layered or on its own.


Here is what I received this time around. I forgot to take the obligatory picture of the open box, but here are the stylist cards for each item.



Liverpool Colleen High Rise Straight Leg Jean - $78
Status: Sent Back
I loved the color of these. Unfortunately, with high waist pants, I need to size up, so they were a little too tight for comfort. They were also a bit long. If these would have fit, I probably would have kept the whole box. After the 25% discount it would have been about the same to keep all five items as it would have been to keep these and the two items that I did end up keeping.

Renee C Taber Foldover 3/4 Sleeve Sweater - $58
Status: Sent Back
At first glance, this was my least favorite item. I didn't like the foldover neckline. I have broad shoulders, so I didn't think it work for me. The fabric and color are great, but after trying it on the first time I still wasn't liking it. See the picture above with it folded over like the styling card shows. It felt awkward and bunched up every time I moved my arms. I wanted to like this so I tried it on again and styled the neckline similar to a cowl neck. I looked better on me that way.


I thought I was going to buy this one, but after looking at it closer, there were a bunch of loose threads around the bottom. I'd be nervous to wash this, so it's going back.

Fun2Fun Burgdorf Diamond Printed Henley Blouse - $48
Status: Sent Back
I loved everything about this top, but the color. It just didn't work with my skin tone and hair color. I tried it with a cardigan like the styling card showed, but if I was going to keep this top I would prefer to be able to wear it on its own.

Daniel Rainn Kieraly Heart Print Short Sleeve Blouse - $68
Status: Kept
I actually requested this after reading others' reviews. It's a little more than I would usually pay for a blouse, but the heart pattern is just perfect. I had pinned the cream colored version on my Pinterest board, but I think I actually like this navy version better. I don't have a great picture of this one, because I pretty much knew I would keep it. I'm pretty sure this is now my favorite article of clothing. I can't wait for warmer weather so I can wear this one without a cardigan or blazer.

41Hawthorn Benson 3/4 Ruched Sleeve Blazer - $78
Status: Kept
I had also requested either a blazer or a vest similar to ones from my Pinterest board. I was so glad they sent me this blazer! I will get so much use out of it. The grey color is great and will go with anything. I also love the striped inside lining.

I don't get anything for writing this review, but if you are interested in trying it out, I get a $25 referral credit if you sign up using my referral link: https://www.stitchfix.com/referral/3161248.

I highly recommend Stitch Fix. It's so convenient, especially for us moms whose current shopping trips consist of using the handicapped or family dressing room and spending more time trying to keep your child from crawling under the door than actually trying on clothes. The items are a little more expensive, but I've learned that you get what you pay for. We just bought a new mattress and bedroom set, and we're going to Hawaii in May, so for budget reasons I probably won't schedule another fix until April with the hopes of getting some great items to take on our trip!

5 on Friday

Let me start by saying that we've had a rough week at our house. Tuesday night Brady woke up around 9pm crying and continued crying for a good hour. There was no consoling him. I ended up sleeping with him the entire night. Wednesday morning he was a zombie. He wouldn't eat and wasn't talking, which are both huge indicators that something's going on with him. He had a low fever, so we kept him home from daycare. He napped from 8:30am - 10:15am and still just wanted to lay on me and cuddle. Brady is not a cuddler, so I called the doctor. We got in Wednesday afternoon and sure enough he's got another ear infection. This is #4 for this fall/winter, not that I'm counting or anything. amoxicillin doesn't work for him, so he's on Augmentin. Thankfully, it works quickly and he's back to his naughty playful self again!

Now to what I had planned to post about...

I kind of took a blogging break and am now hoping to come back in full force. I thought I would do a post to help readers get to know me a little better. Here are 5 things that you may or may not know about me:

1. I love Arizona. As in I would be 100% ok with picking up and moving there today. I know I just did a post about how family is so important and it's so nice to have them close again, and maybe it's because it's 100 degrees below zero outside right now, but I really would move there no questions asked. I actually do have family there that I am very close to, so it wouldn't be like we're moving there knowing no one. To be quite honest, I haven't really made any good friends since I've moved here. It's hard to make friends at work when 75% of your coworkers are over 50. And really I don't have a lot of adult interaction when I'm not at work. Oh well, such is life.

2. I work in HR and love it. I got a degree in Sociology with minors in Psychology and Spanish with the hopes of going in to Social Work. When that didn't pan out, I ended up getting a job as an administrative assistant for a HR Assistant. Things didn't work out so well with her, so I was promoted to her job. Not so good for her, but great for me. In HR, I still get to work with and help people on a daily basis which was my main goal in a career. I now work in HR for a non-profit that helps those in the community with mental illness so I'm really in my element.

3. I have a skin disease called Schamberg's. You can read about it here if you'd like, but basically some of my red blood cells have come up to the surface of my skin and left me looking freckle-covered. Don't do Google images because it will scare you. I have a severe case, but it's still not Google Images severe. It's the worst on my upper thigh, but I do have it in other places. I am extremely self-conscious about it. You will rarely see me in shorts unless I have a tan going on. I also dread wearing a bathing suit. I've been asked more times than I can count if I had a rash. I envision people thinking, "Look at her rash. Gross. Better stay away from her because I'm sure it's contagious." Of course I know most people probably really aren't thinking that, and I should stop caring what other people think, but that's just the way it is.

4. I love being the mom of a boy. Refer to my "A Girly Girl I Am Not" post here. Obviously, all I want are healthy babies, but I wouldn't be at all sad if we only had boys. Plus, I'm terrified of having a teenage girl, and we had a girl already, Claire, and she is so special. I'm really looking forward to watching Brady play tee-ball and flag football if he chooses. And for those who say it's so much more fun to shop for girls, you're wrong. The selection might not be as great, but there are some really cute things out there for boys. Our world right now revolves around dump trucks and fire trucks and I love every minute of it.

5. I wear socks with my flats. In my defense, they are black trouser socks with my black work flats. I don't wear heels. I have bunions. Thank you Grandma! I prefer comfort over pain. In the summer I would never dream of wearing socks, but since it's 100 degrees below zero, socks are a necessity.

That's all I've got. Hope everyone has a great weekend! Keep warm. The polar vortex is an a-hole.

Family

We had a busy, but very fun, family-filled weekend. Saturday we took Brady to the Botanical Center with the hopes of overcoming his fear of sand. They had brought in a ton of sand (literally) and placed it around a palm tree for kids to play in. It wasn't quite what we thought it would be, but Brady still had fun. I think he enjoyed feeding the fish in the koi pond even more.

Let me explain Brady's fear of sand. Last summer I took Brady to the local water park. During pool checks they have a sandy area for the kids to play in. We went in to the sand area, I set Brady down, and he screamed bloody murder. Like, everyone stopped what they were doing to look at him, screaming. The sand wasn't hot. It was in the shade. I'm guessing it's because it's not a solid surface and kind of hard to walk on, but thankfully we are over that now. He had absolutely no desire to go in the sand at first on Saturday, so we set him in, started playing, and finally, he was walking around in it, no problem. We're the throw them in there and let them figure it out type of parents.

On Sunday, we met my dad and his girlfriend for lunch in Iowa City. Brady was still kicking after lunch, so we headed over to the mall to ride on the carousel. My dad took him. He was so excited to go on it, but after a couple circles he started whining and trying to get off and saying, "out". I know I shouldn't laugh, but it was hilarious. The look on his face was priceless! Here is a before picture.



After that excitement we took him over to the play area and he went to town. No joke, after about 2 minutes he had a little girl following him around. Such a lady's man. After some kicking and screaming, we said our good-byes. He was asleep the second we got on the interstate.

After his nap, we headed over to Brad's parent's house for dinner. Brad's sister and our nephew were there also. Him and Brady are about a year and a half apart, but still have so much fun together. They got to sit at the kids table to eat. It was hilarious listening to them. They were perfectly content just having their own conversation, ignoring everything else that was going on around them.

It's so wonderful having family close. After living in the Chicago suburbs, and being 2 1/2 hours from Brad's family and 5+ hours from mine, we have realized how blessed we are to now be so close to them. We think it's so important for Brady to know his grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. Family is everything to us. We learned the hard way that except for a few really great friends (you know who you are), family are the ones who will always be there for you when times are hard.

A "Girly Girl" I Am Not

Although I do want to bring awareness about congenital heart defects and other birth defects, and let those who have experienced loss know that it's ok to still grieve and have bad days, I don't mean for this blog to always be sad or depressing. My goal is to let other baby loss moms know that there is life after loss. It is possible to get back to a sense of "normal".

Those that know me in real life, know that I am a very sarcastic person. I cuss like a sailor, love sports, especially football, and am not at all a "girly girl." I could care less about what's happening on "The Bachelor", or if my nails are painted, and I am not going to pretend that I know anything about hair, makeup, or fashion.

Fortunately, Pinterest was created. I am mildly obsessed with Pinterest. There's probably already some other new thing out there that's even better than Pinterest, but it's working just fine for me. I've learned about Stitch Fix via Pinterest (and a message board) and have become more than obsessed about searching for Stitch Fix reviews via Pinterest. People have probably stopped following me because of my massive amounts of Stitch Fix pins. I saw on my account that they are working on my next fix. It is scheduled to arrive next Friday. The wait is killing me!

I have learned that there's an eye shadow palette out there called Naked from Urban Decay, and although it's $50, it's something that every girl should own. There's even 3 different versions now, but as a green-eyed girl, I stick with #1. The next thing on my list is learning how to contour and apply foundation. Aside from dance recitals, I have never worn blush in my life. Gasp!


I've learned how to curl my hair like the Victoria's Secret models, and that no matter how many different ways I try, my hair will not curl with a straightener. I didn't even own a curling iron before. I bought this Hot Tools one on sale for $30 at Ulta and it's worked great.


You're probably laughing at me for being so un-knowledgeable, but growing up, I was taught how to braid my hair by my aunt. She moved to Arizona when I was still in elementary school, and that was the end of my hair and makeup training. I'm really enjoying all these new discoveries. It's helping me feel more feminine and grown up. I am 30 now and have a kid, so I guess it's time to be an adult. Maybe someday I'll even start painting my nails or get my first pedicure. I don't foresee me watching The Bachelor anytime in the near future though. Baby steps.

Why?

My aunt's first born baby girl, Jennifer, was still born. Needless to say, my aunt was a huge support for me after I lost Claire. I received a very sad text from her yesterday. The text said that her friend's daughter's baby girl, Serafina Rose, has joined Claire and Jennifer in heaven. They had been trying to have a baby for years. So devastating. Why does this happen? I know SO many people who have had a serious pregnancy complication or who have lost a baby, whether it be miscarriage, stillbirth, preterm labor, etc. There are most likely others that I don't know about who have kept it private. Seriously, why does this happen? I have no explanation. I never will. It breaks my heart to know that yet another person is now experiencing the absolute heart break that we have experienced. This is something that stays with you the rest of your life.

I would give anything to go back to the time when I thought you could get pregnant any time you had sex, and that if you did get pregnant, it meant you would have a healthy, baby boy or girl 9 months later. No pregnancy complications, no birth defects, no labor, delivery, and post-delivery complications, no SIDS. I was so stupid naïve.

Please pray for Serafina's family. I know Claire and Jennifer were up there welcoming her with open arms, but that doesn't make it any easier.

You Can't Always Be Supermom

Sometimes I question whether I'm cut out for being a full-time working mom. I also question whether I could be a SAHM. SAHM's are amazing in my opinion! Why can't there be a happy medium of working 2 or 3 days a week and staying home 2 or 3 days a week? I know some people have that luxury, but with the cost of daycare, even part-time daycare, it's just not an option for us.

I sometimes feel like I am slacking in the mom area, because I'm exhausted by the time I get home from work. And then I have to keep Brady occupied - Thank God for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - while I get dinner ready. I'm terrified for him to start school. How will I ever keep up with the PTA moms?! I know, I need to quit worrying, but man sometimes it's just hard. After losing Claire, I swore I wanted 3 more kids. I'm now re-evaluating that thought. I just don't think I can do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to have these problems. I don't know where I would be right now if I didn't have Brady. He has brought so much joy after such a difficult time in our lives.

Prime example, I forgot to leave Brady's coat at daycare this morning. He had to borrow one in order to play outside. Really, what was I thinking?! I can't really tell you. My brain is fried, and I kind of need a nice long vacation from everything. Actually, I would take just a couple nights of uninterrupted sleep. But, that's not going to happen. I will keep trucking along doing the best that I can, and that's all I can do.

My boss told me this morning that I can't always be supermom. I need to keep telling myself this. She is so right. I love my little man with all my heart and would do anything for him. That is enough. Sadly, some kids don't even get that. I don't need to be the mom who has an immaculate house, or who cooks a gourmet, organic meal every night, or who bakes some new delicious recipe from scratch every day. That's just not going to happen. I am perfectly happy with our crazy, messy, hug-filled lives!

A Friday Funny

Let me start by saying that Brady is a terrible sleeper...STILL! I thought for sure that once we stopped nursing and after he turned 1, he would just miraculously start sleeping through the night. I was terribly wrong. I don't know how I function most days at work. I guess I do have plenty of "mommy brain" moments. The other night I asked Brad a question and his response was, "You just asked me that 5 minutes ago, and my answer is still yes." I had no recollection of asking him that question. Oops! It's also possible that I have a little bit of selective hearing, but I'm blaming that one on mommy brain.

Anyways, because of Brady's terrible sleep habits, there are mornings when he gets up when I do at 5:30 AM. This means that he has to stay occupied until we eat breakfast at 6:45. He's too young to sit there and watch TV, so he finds other things to keep him busy. These things usually consist of opening and emptying all of my bathroom cupboards and drawers. This leads to my makeup, lotion, hair products, pads, tampons, and anything else you could think of being strewn about my bathroom floor. I've learned the hard way that you really have to pick your battles. I don't have time in the morning to fight this battle, so we have many moments like this.



This was a while ago and is pretty tame compared to the usual destruction.

I have to laugh about it. The last couple of times, he's pretended to use my eyelash curler, and then hands it to me and says, "Mommy's turn." I die. Brad is so proud that his son knows how to use an eyelash curler.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Diabetes and a Sort of New Year's Resolution

It seems like so long ago that I was pregnant with Brady. My short term memory is shot, so I don't recall how much I talked about being diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I barely passed the glucose test with Claire. My blood sugar was 129 after 1 hour of drinking the "juice." It needs to be under 130. With Brady my number was significantly higher. I then had to do the 3-hour test and failed that one miserably as well. For the rest of my pregnancy I had to check my fasting blood sugar every morning and then check one hour after each meal. Although I had some high numbers here and there, I think I did a great job keeping my blood sugar in check.

The low-carb diet was quite a change for me. I'm a lover of pasta, Jimmy Johns (thank God for the unwich), etc. I ended up only gaining a couple pounds the last 10 or so weeks of my pregnancy which seems not good, but I was told it is common with Gestational Diabetes.

It was frustrating having to be so conscious of every little thing that you eat. For me, bread and cereal were what made my blood sugar sky rocket. I basically cut them out all together. No more Cheerios for breakfast. I found a new love of salads. Anytime we ate out, I had to substitute a salad instead of fries. It was frustrating at times, but I felt better. I didn't have the stomach issues that I'd had for as long as I can remember. I also contribute my post-pregnancy weight loss to this new way of eating. (That, and exclusively breastfeeding/pumping until Brady turned 1. The kid ate every 2 hours during the day until he was probably 6 months old. I know it isn't for everyone, but seriously ladies, breastfeeding is a great way to lose some of those pregnancy pounds.)

Turns out I continued to have blood sugar issues post-pregnancy. Everyone told me the GD would go away once I delivered Brady, but nope, didn't happen. I had another glucose tolerance test, and failed...again. I was told I need to stick with the low-carb diet, especially no bread and cereals, and continue periodically checking my blood sugar levels. My levels weren't high enough to be on insulin or even to diagnose me with Diabetes, however I was told I have Pre-Diabetes which more times than not leads to Diabetes.

I don't like New Year's Resolutions. I've never kept them, and just don't really get the hype, but this year my New Year's Resolution is to get back on track with the low-carb diet and to make the time to exercise even if it's only for 20 minutes. Let's be honest, it's impossible to not eat Christmas cookies, and it's close to impossible to find the time to exercise with a 19-month old running around, but the holidays are over and I deserve a little time for myself, even if that time is spent exercising. Diet and exercise are the best ways to avoid developing Diabetes later on in life and I need to be around for my children. I have found some great low-carb recipes and might just do a post of our favorites one of these days.

I have another follow-up in a couple months, and fully intend on passing the test!

What We've Been Up To

I thought I'd do a review of 2013 since I last posted in June.

July
Just thinking about summer, makes me really depressed about the -50 wind chill today. Please remind me why I live in Iowa! We had some of Brad's family over for the 4th of July. Brady had too much fun with his cousin Blake and fell asleep before the fireworks. We also took him to the local parade, but he was still too young to really be interested, plus there were massive amounts of people. Brad and I both turned 30 in July. Womp, womp. I was actually really down about it, but turns out 30 doesn't feel any different than 29. We celebrated by going to a local 2-day outdoor concert with Brad's brother and sister and their kids. It was Brady's first concert! A first of many I hope. We also went to a pool party at Brad's Brother's house. It was a perfect day for swimming. Brady loves the water and was in heaven.



August
The Mississippi Valley Fair was in town - a concert every night for a week. My mom came to stay with us so Brad and I could go. It's a great time. We saw Toby Keith, Josh Turner, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Jake Owen. We also took Brady one night to see the animals. He especially liked the cows and horses.

September
Brad and I went to Nashville with his brother and sister and their significant others. I highly recommend it! Live music everywhere you go. It's hard to come back. We had beautiful weather in September. The leaves on our tree tend to change color and fall early, so Brady had so much fun playing in the piles!



October
I started a new job. I was in a really bad place in my previous position. The change was a good one. We took Brady to a couple different pumpkin patches. It was also Brady's first time Trick-or-Treating. Even though he was so shy when anyone came to the door and wouldn't say anything, he got lots of candy, which mommy and daddy ate most of!



November
November and December flew by. As soon as the holiday hit, things get crazy. My parents recently divorced so in order to spend as much time as possible with each of them, we had Thanksgiving the weekend before, we spend Thanksgiving day at home, and then had another Thanksgiving at Brad's Brother's the Saturday after. I also received my first Stitch Fix in November. It's a clothing/accessories service. You go to their website, fill out a personal style profile, tell them about yourself, and sign up to receive a fix. You pay $20 up front as a styling fee to cover your personal stylist's time, shipping, etc. You receive a box of 5 pieces from your personal stylist. They send you ideas of what to wear each piece with, which is nice for someone like me who needs help in that department! You try everything on, keep what you want, and send back what you don't in the postage paid envelope that they have prepared for you. If you don't keep anything you don't get your $20 back, but if you keep 1 thing or all 5 things, your $20 will go towards them. Andplusalso if you keep all 5 things you get 25% off everything. I don't have any pictures of what I received, but I plan to post about future fixes since I love to read others' reviews. I kept two of the five items because of my budget at the time, but I really liked everything that they sent. My next fix is scheduled for January 24th! If you're interested, sign up for Stitch Fix here. You get a $25 credit for each person you refer.

December
December was even more crazy. We took Brady to the Festival of Trees. There was an Elmo tree, so of course that was his favorite. We had Brad's work Christmas party the 14th, Christmas with each of my parents the 21st and 22nd, and then Christmas with Brad's family the 27th and 28th. Brady had so much fun seeing everyone and was anxious to wake up every morning to see where Buzz, our Elf on the Shelf, was going to be. We visited Claire during the snow storm on Christmas day. She has some more company now. It makes me so sad that so many others have gone through the pain of losing a child also. The Holidays are an emotional time.



Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

It's Been A While

I'm not sure if anyone is even following anymore, but I decided that I really need to get back to updating this blog regularly. I recently read some of the "heart family" blogs that helped me get through my pregnancy with Claire. Most of their HLHS babies (who aren't babies anymore) are still trucking along and have had/are going to have their third surgery. Sadly there are a couple families who have lost their heart babies. After reliving it all again and having a good cry, their blogs have inspired me to try to start this up again. I might not always post about life after a loss or Brady, but I will have something to talk about.

When you have a traumatic experience in your life it's so helpful and so important to talk about it in some way. Reading those blogs really brought it all back to the surface. Yeah, you get back to your daily routine, chasing around a toddler sure helps, but inside, the pain is still there. It never goes away. I still have bad days. Just a few months ago I went to the cemetery and laid down by Claire and cried. At every new stage that Brady hits, I think about what Claire would be doing right now and wonder what she would look like. We saw a picture of Brad at Christmas when he was 18 months old and you couldn't tell the difference between him and Brady. I wonder if Claire would have looked more like me.

I recently took a new job for a non-profit company that provides services for people with mental illness. Although I am not a counselor myself, I feel so fulfilled and proud to work for a company that helps people who have been through traumatic events in their lives. Pregnancy loss/infant loss is sadly much more common than you think. Most of my co-workers don't even know what we've been through, but it doesn't matter.

I always like to end on a happy note, so here is a recent picture of Brady. He is almost 19 months now. Unreal. He is a chatterbox and is currently obsessed with Mickey, especially the Hot Dog Dance, Elmo, and choo choos. He is my world.