Updates

It's been a while! Apparently life gets crazy when you have a baby and have to go back to work full-time! I've been back at work for 2 months now and it's not getting any easier. My mother-in-law is watching Brady at our house. People say we have it made, but I still have to force myself to leave the house every morning. He changes so much, so quickly, and I don't want to miss any of it. Hopefully (in the near future) I will be able to work part-time. I used to put everything I had into work and now I do what I have to do to get through the day all while counting down the minutes to get home. Priorities change.

My plan going forward is to use this blog as a way to keep track of how Brady is growing and changing. I would really like to do monthly updates, so we'll see if I can keep that up.

Brady is now 4 and a half months old! Time flies. He's a big boy, measuring in the 75th percentile for weight (16 lbs.) and head circumference and the 98th percentile for height (26 3/4 inches). He better enjoy being tall now, because it's not going to last. He's grabbing for everything (especially my hair) and finally rolled from front to back last week. He's started "talking" to us and smiling like crazy. He's definitely a morning person, unlike me. Maybe because he sleeps 10-11 hours at night with just one short feeding after 8 or 9 hours. He is such a good baby, only crying when he's hungry. We joke that we're not having any more kids because there's no way they'll be as good as him. Shockingly, he has a tooth poking through already and it's not one of the normal first teeth that a baby gets. He loves baths, actually just the splashing water part, listening to music and standing up, with help of course. He currently has his first cold, but hasn't had a fever yet, so we're hoping it goes away quickly. We love him so much. We're enjoying every single moment with him. Fortunately and unfortunately, we know how very precious those moments are.

Here's a couple of his 3 months pictures. Kristin Geerts did such a great job with him. She was very patient with our stubborn boy. We have more pictures scheduled for 6 months. It's hard to believe he'll be sitting up for those.

  

A Little Vent

I go back to work on Monday. This makes me very sad. I haven't posted in a while because I've been trying to enjoy every single minute these last couple of weeks. My mother-in-law will be coming to our house to watch Brady. She already watches our nephew who is 22 months. This should be comforting for me, but it's not. I can't imagine going back full-time and only seeing B first thing in the morning and not again until 4:30 when I get home.

The in-laws came over tonight and we had mother-in-law give B a bottle. It didn't go so well. He was very fussy and cried a lot. She has given him bottles multiple times before just fine. He was having a fussy night, but of course they made me feel like he wasn't taking the bottle tonight because I breastfeed him and don't give him bottles all the time. I was finally able to soothe him and MIL is now worried that B doesn't like her, etc.

I broke down after they left. I'm sorry that I love my child and give him all of my love and affection while I'm home with him. Of course he knows me and of course I can soothe him since I'm the only one who has done that for him so far. There is nothing wrong with that, and no one should make me feel that way. I'm sorry that my first baby died and I had 1 day to hold her and love on her. Of course I am going to love Brady with everything I have. I do not deserve to have people make me feel like my way of parenting is not right. 

Sorry for the vent, but I had to get it out. This next week is going to be so hard for me.

Here's a recent picture of Brady. He is now 13 1/2 lbs and 23 1/2 inches tall. That puts him in the 90th percentile!

A Nice Visit

I am very close to my grandparents. We lived only a few blocks from them growing up and it was so much fun. They retired and moved to Arizona where my aunt and cousins live. We try to go visit them as much as we can. They are getting older and it's getting harder for them to travel, but they really wanted to meet Brady, so they decided to drive to Iowa with my aunt and uncle to see us for a day and then drive on to see my dad. We had a great time spending the day with them.

My grandma had a surgery last spring and wasn't able to come for Claire's funeral, so we visited her at the cemetery. It was so emotional watching my grandma put a bouquet of flowers on Claire's headstone. I wish she could have seen her in person.

This picture is even more emotional for me. Brady and his big sister.

Since I manage to make myself cry almost every time I blog, here is a happier picture. He is growing so fast. I'm pretty sure he weighs almost 12 pounds already! Brad calls him tank now.  

2 Weeks

I can't believe Brady is 2 weeks old today! I also can't believe I've been off work for 2 weeks already and have to go back in 8. It's going to be SO hard leaving him. I need to keep pushing working part-time with Brad. I think I'll have a better chance with that once all of our major house projects are done, so maybe I should be pushing him to get those done ASAP!

Like I've said before, I don't like posting a million pictures on Facebook, so I guess I'll be posting them here. The amount of pictures we've taken of him already are ridiculous!

I call this his Al Bundy look.

 Finally caught him smiling

Sleeping and holding mommy's hand

Newborn Must-Haves

When I was pregnant with B, I was constantly Googling what we will need for a newborn, so I thought I would share what our must-haves are so far.

Our absolute favorite gift was the Fisher Price Rock and Play Sleeper. This is something we did not register for, but luckily I have 2 good friends who bought it for us anyway! I don't know what we would do without this. Brady loves it because of the incline. We're not sure what else we would be doing with him while he sleeps, while we eat, etc.


I also think the Boppy pillow or some sort of nursing pillow is a must. I didn't take the Boppy to the hospital with us and wish I would have. It's such a pain stacking regular pillows all around you so baby is in the right position to nurse.  The u-shape of the pillow is perfect.

Cloth diapers for burp cloths. We bought a 12-pack of Gerber pre-fold cloth diapers from Target and they have worked out great.

If you plan to breastfeed, I also recommend lots of nursing tanks or at least shelf-bra camis. I have lived in these since B was born. They just make everything so much easier. I'm also terrified of getting mastitis, so I'm still too scared to wear a bra. B and I will be making a shopping trip some time this week to get mommy some nursing bras with no wires.

The last thing is a diaper caddy. This is great for us because Brady's room (where his changing pad is) is upstairs and we spend most of our time downstairs. The caddy holds diapers, desitin, wipes, really anything you need. It also came with a portable changing pad that is super easy to clean up.

I'm sure I've forgotten a few things, but I hope this is helpful to someone.

A Night of Firsts

Last night Brady had a few firsts. We took our first car ride (besides the ride home from the hospital) and first store trip to Walgreens and then got ice cream. It had been SO long since I had ice cream, and it was amazing! He was very good and enjoyed just staring out the window. I of course sat in the back seat with him because I'm paranoid of everything. I'll eventually get over that (at least hopefully). We also took a short walk with the stroller when we got home. Everyone enjoyed the walk especially our dog, who has been feeling a little attention-deprived since we've come home.

Happy Birthday Claire and Brady

I had every intention of posting this on June 8th, Claire's birthday, but it turned out Claire had other plans for us that day. Her little brother, Brady Marshall, was born on June 8th, exactly one year from Claire's birthday. I have no explanation for this, other than there is some higher power and this was how it was supposed to be. Claire wanted to share her birthday with her little brother to make sure it was always a happy day for us. It's beyond bittersweet.

I had a routine weekly dr, visit Friday morning and was expecting to be told I was still stuck at 4 cm dilated and hadn't made any progress despite the fact that I had had contractions off and on the night before. I expected to stop at the cemetery on my way back to work and then work the remainder of the day, hoping that Brady would be born over the weekend. That's not what happened. I requested to be checked because of the contractions the night before and was told that I was 5-6 cm dilated and they wanted to hook me up for a NST to see if I was having regular contractions and just not feeling them. Turns out I was contracting, just not regularly. They sent me home since I wasn't in pain, but said they were sure I would have this baby today of all days. I was secretly hoping that Brady would hold off until 12:01 AM, but that didn't happen either.

It was around 4PM that I finally started feeling regular contractions about every 3-5 minutes lasting for a minute or more. I still wasn't in much pain, but figured I better call the on-call Midwife and let her know what was going on. She told us to eat dinner and then head in to be checked for progress. We got there around 6PM and I was 7cm and 90% effaced. They admitted me and broke my water shortly after being admitted. I was able to get a room with a tub, and that was absolutely wonderful. I recommend laboring in a tub to everyone! The contractions got intense as soon as my water was broke. I labored until about 8PM when I started feeling the urge to push. I was checked again and was 10cm and ready to go. Unfortunately, the MW was delivering another baby right at that time so they brought in the on-call OB. She was wonderful. I pushed for not even a half hour and Brady Marshall was born at 8:26PM! His cry was the most wonderful sound I have ever heard.

We are all doing great! I was able to go completely med-free and I truly believe that my recovery has been so easy because of that. I would definitely do it again in a heartbeat. I also believe that Claire has been watching over us this entire pregnancy, and that is part of the reason everything went as it did. Brady is so amazing and I've never loved anyone so much. He is (so far) a very easy baby and is breastfeeding pretty darn well.

So Happy Belated Birthday Claire Bear! We love you and miss you so much! Your little brother will know all about you, although we know that he already knows you. 

And here's Brady! He weighed 8 lbs. exactly and is 20 inches tall.

More Good News

Still no baby...obviously, but I tested negative for Group B Strep! That was nice to hear since I tested positive for it last time. One less IV!

A Surprise

At my weekly appointment on Thursday I was tested for Group B Strep and had an internal. I was shocked when my midwife said, "Dang girl, you are 4 cm and 60% effaced." Umm what!? Last time at 4 cm I was already at the hospital and in quite a bit of pain. I've had no contractions except for some random Braxton Hicks. She said I could be stuck at a 4 for a week or more, or he could come any time. Since it's Sunday and he's still not here, I'm guessing I'll be stuck here for a while.  On the up side, I'm really hoping that being this far along already, will help in my plans to have a med-free birth. I don't care what other people say about the epidural (I've been there done that too), the after effects for me were terrible.

I almost wish I didn't know. Our hopes were up that he would come this weekend, but it's now looking like we'll be at work on Monday. I'm secretly crossing my fingers that the full moon tomorrow will work some magic. I am so ready for him to be here. It's pretty much been 2 years in the making.

I also wish that we hadn't told our families. I get multiple texts per day from mine asking if there's any progress and Brad gets daily calls from his family. People, do you really think that he's here already and we're just not telling you?! We'll let you know when something happens, but there's nothing new to tell.

Please cross your fingers for some labor progress. Thankfully it's nice out, and I can go for a very long walk today.

A Couple Pictures

Here are a couple pictures that go along with my last post.

Here's the poster that they attached to the tribute tree at last weekend's Heart Walk.

This picture is my belly pic from Thursday at right around 36 weeks. Unless I'm wishful thinking, I really do think he has dropped.

He's Dropped

I know I haven't blogged in a bit. We had a very busy May complete with 3 baby showers, 2 for us and 1 for Brad's cousin. They were all wonderful! We also did the Heart Walk again this year. They do a tribute tree every year and this year the tree was in honor of Claire. They had a little story about her and a quote from me. It was so nice and very emotional. I also had an emotional Mother's Day. We went to visit Claire and I was a wreck. I didn't imagine I would be like that, but it's hard thinking about what Mother's Day would have been like sharing it with our baby girl. I miss her.

I am now officially 36 weeks pregnant, and this guy has definitely dropped. I've had a few comments just today at work about him dropping and "I don't think you're going to make it 2 or 3 more weeks." What do they know, but these comments kind of freak me out, because it hasn't 100% sunk in yet that any time I will be going into labor and getting to bring a baby home from the hospital this time. I'm nervous, but I'm so ready to meet our little guy. 37 weeks would be ideal, but with his largeness, I think we'd be just fine if he came any time now. The nesting will be in full force this weekend! Hope everyone enjoys the holiday!

Score!

I had remembered hearing something a while back about breast pumps possibly being covered by insurance now. Since I knew I would need one and had shopped around and found that the one I wanted would be close to $300, I figured it couldn't help to call our insurance provider and ask about coverage before dropping that kind of cash. Sure enough, pumps are covered as "durable medical equipment". I had to get a prescription from my midwife and take it to a medical equipment store, but it's well worth the extra couple steps in order to get a free pump! I guess the point of this post is to make sure that any of you mom-to-be's out there call your insurance provider before going out and buying a pump on your own. You might be pleasantly surprised what they tell you.

Wow, I can't believe it's been 11 months. One more month would have been Claire's 1st birthday. I can't wait for Brady to be here, but I hope to God that he doesn't come on the 8th. 

A Couple Things...

Just a couple things that have been on my mind lately. First thing, I promise not to AW (attention whore) my baby or any future children on Facebook. I know you love your kids and yes, they are cute, but to someone who has lost a baby no matter how far along, or who is struggling with infertility those pictures are just another reminder that your baby is not here. I know how much it hurts me to see pictures of people's kids who are about the same age that Claire would be and I would never want to inflict that pain on anyone else. Don't get me wrong, some pictures are great and I know it's an easy way to share pictures with family and friends that you don't see very often, but some people are just plain excessive.

Second, it's really starting to sink in that we are going to have a baby in our house some time in the next couple months. Holy crap. It's so hard for me to imagine going through a pregnancy, labor and delivery and getting to bring a baby home after what we went through last time. I'm anxious, terrified, excited all at the same time! 

That's it. Just needed to get that off my chest.

Updates

I have quite a few updates since I've last posted. We're still trucking along. We had our first shower today. It was great! People are so generous. It's really starting to seem real that this little guy is coming home with us some time in the next 5-9 weeks!

The gestational diabetes still sucks, but I've been pretty successful at managing my levels. I have to check my blood sugar first thing in the morning and then an hour after I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yep, 4 times a day. I have to eat 3 meals a day and 3 snacks a day. The dietician gave me a limit of 60 carbs for each meal, except breakfast which is a little less. Unfortunately, any time I've had 60 carbs in a meal my number has been high, so I try to stick to around 45 carbs. For snacks I can have up to 30 carbs. I have found some great low carb snacks and actually hope to continue snacking this way after Brady comes. My favorites are the fruit and granola yogurts and I'm loving fruit like strawberries and apples, which I can eat as much of as I want. I even found a recipe for low carb peanut butter cookies and they are good!

We had our final Iowa City appointment a couple weeks ago. We are officially released to deliver locally. We had an ultrasound and Brady was measuring quite large. Not surprising, because of the GD. His weight was estimated at 3lbs 10oz, which is average for a 31 or 32 week baby. I was 29 weeks at the ultrasound. Overall, he was measuring about a week and a half ahead. They flat out said they don't think we'll be having a little baby this time around.

There was a little concern about my cervix during the ultrasound. The first thing the tech asked me was if I had been having contractions. Yeah, that freaked me out a little. My cervix was measuring 2.2 and anything 2.0 or below is apparently cause for concern and possible bed rest. No bed rest or restrictions for me (thankfully), but they let me know that there's a good chance I could go early. 37 weeks is ideal, but 35 weeks is my first goal. For whatever reason I'm feeling we're going to have a May baby.

Brady, we are getting so excited to meet you! Claire Bear we can't believe it's been over 10 months. We still think about you and miss you every day.Please  keep watching over us and your little brother.

Nothing is ever easy

I failed the 3-hour glucose tolerance test, pretty badly actually. I have started the low carb, low sugar diet, and honestly it kind of sucks. The limitations on what I can and can't eat are crazy. I feel bad for Brad because he does not need to lose any weight, but I also refuse to make two separate meals every night.

I think I'm making it worse on myself because I'm frustrated about it, but I will do whatever I need to do in order to get Brady home and healthy. At this point I'm ready for him to be here. I know it's too early and really I don't want him to be here until he's full term, but I'm so over being pregnant. I will have been pregnant for 18 of the last 21 months!

I will post about my journey with gestational diabetes and maybe even post some of the meal/snack ideas that I ended up liking (if there are any!).

FAIL

I have really been slacking on this whole blog thing. I guess it's a good thing that I don't have a whole lot to talk about. No news is good news, right? We decided that we needed to finish some projects around the house before this little guy gets here. Nothing too big, but we finished painting our bathrooms and put in new shower doors, and finally hung some pictures on the walls. We've also been working hard on the baby's room since coming up here in April and May we have almost no free weekends. We have also decided on a name, since we're sick of calling him baby, and honestly, we're sick of people asking. His name will be Brady Marshall. Brady is a name that we both liked a lot (there were only a few) and Marshall is Brad's grandpa's middle name (who is deceased).

Here are some pictures of Brady's room. We are pretty happy with how it looks so far. There are a few more things that I would like to add like curtains and maybe some toy bins and a fun rug. I have spent many hours on Pinterest looking for ideas, and many hours shopping at Hobby Lobby and Gordmans.

The letters are plain white letters from JoAnns. I then bought scrapbook paper and used Modge Podge to glue the paper to the letters. It was time-consuming, but very easy. I am not a crafty, artsy person and I would definitely take on this project again.

The real reason I named this post "FAIL" is because I failed my 1-hour glucose tolerance test. I have to take the 3-hour GTT on Wednesday, and I'm not looking forward to it at all. I can't say I'm surprised I failed. I get very weak and shaky and my body tells me when it needs something to eat, but I did pass the 1-hour when I was pregnant with Claire. They tell me it's very likely that I will pass the 3-hour test, but we'll see.

I guess nothing is ever easy. I thank God every day that Brady is healthy and growing big and strong, but why can't I have a completely normal pregnancy with no complications and give this little guy everything that he needs to thrive? I have been walking every day and have recently changed my diet to cut out a lot of the salt and sugar that I had been eating before. I don't care how many times people tell me that Claire's heart defect was a fluke, I will always believe that there was something that I could have done differently to allow her to be here with us and completely healthy. Fingers crossed that I get a call on Thursday saying that I passed and don't need to do anything further!

Another milestone

We had our echo on Friday. It went great, after starting off not so great. We were there early and they got us in right away. We've always been the only people in that waiting room. Obviously and thankfully there's not many fetal echos performed daily there. We were told that the cardiologist wasn't in, but the tech will take all of the pictures that they need and the cardiologist will contact us on Monday with the results. Really!? We have to wait all weekend before getting confirmation that everything was OK. Luckily, the tech turned the screen so I was able to watch everything. She even labeled some of the parts of the heart for us and gave us a picture which we never got with Claire. It was short and sweet, which we took as a good sign, because Claire's echos were all almost an hour before all was said and done. The tech is not really supposed to give any results, however after seeing a fetal heart so many times, we were able to clearly see four chambers, and she confirmed that.

I got the call from the cardiologist yesterday morning. He said our little guy's heart looks perfectly healthy and we will not need to have another echo this pregnancy. The most beautiful words anyone could ever say to me! They will want to do an echo with any future pregnancies because our risk of having a heart baby is slightly higher than most, but I am 100% OK with that. I thank God every day for this baby. We truly feel blessed.

Myths Busted

Sorry to burst your bubble if you're a believer in old wives' tales, but I no longer put any stock in any of the pregnancy old wives' tales regarding the baby's sex.

Myth #1: How you carry the baby
The myth is if you carry high you will have a girl, if you carry low you are having a boy. I'm pretty sure I'm carrying the exact same as I was with Claire. I'm not seeing any difference.

Myth #2: Baby's heart rate
The myth is that a boy's heart rate will be under 140, a girl's always above 140. This little one has always had a heart rate at 150 or above. In fact, the first couple times we heard his heart, the heart rate was in the 170's.

Myth #3: Your cravings
The myth is if you crave sweets you are having a girl, if you crave salty food or meat you are having a boy. I honestly haven't had too many cravings this pregnancy, besides Dairy Queen. However, I've gone crazy with the Valentine's Day sweet tarts and candy hearts. So much for the sweets meaning girl!

Myth #4: Your looks
This myth says that a girl steals your beauty, while a boy gives you the "pregnancy glow".
Yeah, there's no glow here! My face and fingers are getting chubby already and my skin certainly isn't clear and bright.

Myth #5: Morning Sickness
This myth says you will have much worse morning sickness with a girl than a boy. It was the complete opposite for me. I was so sick (luckily not throwing up sick, but still bad) from about 5 1/2 weeks til about 12 or so weeks this time around. With Claire I had my moments, but nothing like this time.

So, there you have it. We pretty much debunked all of the most common pregnancy myths.

Today Is the Greatest Day I've Ever Known

Just a little Smashing Pumpkins for your reading pleasure. If you couldn't tell by the title, our anatomy scan went great today! We are having a HEALTHY baby BOY, 4 heart chambers and all! We were both sure that we were having another girl, so you can imagine our surprise when the tech said she was going to rock our world, because we're having a baby boy. The look on Brad's face was priceless. I will never forget it. We go back to Iowa City in 2 weeks for a fetal echo, which will tell us for sure that everything is OK. After that, we are free to be seen locally and deliver locally. I cannot wait.

We are so ready to go shopping for this baby and decorate his room and do everything that we didn't get to do while I was pregnant with Claire. The only possible downfall is that we need to put some of Claire's things away and make this Baby Boy's room. It's going to be very difficult for me. We didn't have a lot for Claire, but her bedding and outfits will all need to be put away. We received many figurines after she was born. We plan to keep them all on display in our guest bedroom. Those are things we will never be able to store away in a closet. She will always be a part of our family. Our children will know about their big sister.

To top it all off, this week is congenital heart defect awareness week. We love you so much Claire. We know you are always watching over us and your little brother.

Let the Countdown Begin

Actually I've been counting since I found out I was pregnant again. Our 20 week ultrasound is in T minus one week. Seven days from today at this time, I will be leaving work to go home and eat lunch, meet Brad and leave for Iowa City. This is D-Day for us. We will see the heart in detail and see how everything else is looking, and of course will be finding out the sex of our little one. We are anxious and excited and hopeful all at once. Please God let this be our healthy, take-home baby!

A minor...ok major scare

I've been bad with keeping up on my blogging. This actually happened about a week and a half ago, on New Years Eve. What a way to ring in the new year.

I woke up Saturday morning, ate breakfast and starting taking down our Christmas decorations. I went to the bathroom and had some spotting. I had spotting when I was pregnant with Claire, but that was at like 6 weeks, not 15 weeks! I freaked out and thought the worst was going to happen. I called the on-call doctor at the hospital, knowing they wouldn't say anything but to take it easy and call back if it got worse. That's exactly what they said. Thankfully, it never got worse. It stuck around Saturday and was pretty much non-existent on Sunday. It came back on Monday. After Iowa City told me there was nothing they would do for me, I called my local on-call doctor. She already knew my history (that's why I love them), and told me to call first thing Tuesday morning to schedule an ultrasound and check-up. I got in around 9:30 and we saw our baby with a perfect heartbeat moving around. She also did an internal on me, and I'm happy to say we are high, firm and closed! I thought maybe we'd get a sneak peak of the sex, but no such luck. Guess we will be waiting until February 6th. I can't wait.

I had a normally scheduled appointment in Iowa City on Friday and after a fiasco with our appointment time, we ended up having to be there at 4PM. We knew we wouldn't get great care on a Friday at 4PM, but no one said a word about my spotting issue or if it had stopped, etc. Seriously, take the 2 fucking minutes and read my chart before you see me. It can't be that difficult! Yeah, I need to work on my language before this baby gets here, but how frustrating.

On a happy note, I felt the baby for the first time a couple days ago. Just a little bit and it's only been once a day since then if I'm lucky, but I'll take it.

Can't believe it's been over 7 months. We miss you everyday Claire Bear. We love you so much.