Random Ramblings

I'll apologize in advance. This is going to be a really random post. I've been pretty scatter-brained the last week or so. I think it's because I'm getting closer to my due date and things are starting to get really real.

Let's start with pregnancy progress. I had an appointment in Iowa City yesterday with the high risk OB. I went in expecting them to only measure me and listen to the baby's heartbeat after driving 2 hours round trip. Fortunately, I also had the Group B Strep test and they did an internal. Unfortunately, I am not dilated at all. Guess I need to keep walking.

I would also like to add a note relating to my thankful post a week or so back. I forgot to mention how thankful I am for my good friend, Andrea. She is a nurse and used to work in the PICU with very sick kids. She's seen her fair share of kids with HLHS. She has been a great source of information and experience. It's so nice to be able to talk to someone who truly understands the disease and will be completely open and honest about every aspect of it. We feel that our families don't truly get the severity of Claire's heart defect, and even if they do, they are looking through rose-colored glasses.

On that note, Brad and I are about 90% sure that we will not be pursuing the surgeries for our baby. Due to the other issues on top of the HLHS, surgery is not the best option for our situation. Even with the surgeries, her heart will never be fixed. They can only alter the way that it works. If she even qualified for and pulled through the first surgery, she would have a lifetime full of other surgeries and medical procedures. When I say lifetime, I mean the chances of her living to the age of 5 are pretty small, and that's if she would even qualify for the second and third surgeries. We've been praying for God to point us in the right direction and let us know what is best for Claire. Giving her a life free of pain and tubes and wires and medication, and full of love is where we have been led. God has a plan for Claire, and we trust in Him. Yes, she will still have an echocardiogram shortly after birth, and yes, we can still change our mind, but it is pretty important to us to have a plan set when we go in for her birth, so there are no split-second decisions to be made.

Knowing that Claire will probably only be with us for a short time, we have an appointment with the cemetery next week. It will help getting more information and maybe taking care of some things in advance instead of scrambling to take care of everything after she passes. The cemetery has an area called "Babyland." For some reason babyland seems so morbid to me, but that is where she will be buried.

I think there were even more random thoughts that I wanted to share, but I can't think of them right now. Hope you all have a great weekend.