Dear Claire

Dear Claire,

I think about you every day. We want you to know how much we love you. I find myself getting sad about all of the things that we didn't do after finding out about your heart.

I'm sorry that we never finished decorating your room. Your crib and dresser are set up and your room is painted, but we couldn't bring ourselves to hang the pictures that we bought or put up the letters spelling out your name.

I'm sorry that we never had a shower for you and that I returned the clothes I had bought before I knew you were sick. I just couldn't keep them knowing you would never be able to wear them.

I'm sorry that I kind of shut down and stopped being excited about being pregnant after we found out how serious your heart condition was. I guess I thought if I didn't let myself get too attached it wouldn't hurt as bad. I thought wrong.

I'm sorry that towards the end of the pregnancy I was secretly hoping that you would come a little early, so that we could get all of the hard times over with and start the healing process.

I'm sorry that I haven't dreamed about you yet. I yearn for the day that I see you in a dream so that I can see much fun you are having with all of the other babies in heaven.

Despite all of these things we love you more than words can express. We've loved you since the day we saw two pink lines. Another baby will never replace you. You will always be our first born and part of us will always be with you.