When you're told by doctors to "plan for the worst," you can't help but think about when you will try again. I know some people may decide to take plenty of time to grieve and heal emotionally and physically, but we know that if we do lose Claire, we will start trying again as soon as we get the OK from the doctors. I know that there was nothing that I did that caused Claire's heart problems, and that her heart has been underdeveloped since some time between weeks 6-10, but I've already decided that there are things I will do differently in the first tri-mester next time around. I will absolutely not get a flu shot until I am at least 13 weeks, I will stay away from all caffeine, and I will try to avoid the fumes from all cleaning products. I know I can't live in a bubble, but I will do everything in my power to have our future children be as healthy as possible.
Let me just add that I LOVE my midwife! I was dead set on having a natural birth before all of this happened , so I've been seeing the midwives at the doctor office from the beginning. There are a few of them, but I've been seeing the same one since 20 weeks. She was the one who had to give us the news that things didn't look right. She's also become like a counselor to me. I don't have to continue seeing her, but I choose to. She is someone who I can simply sit there and talk to and cry with. She told me this week that when we get pregnant again, I will have to start out having all of my appointments in Iowa City. They will want to monitor the baby much more closely from the beginning in order to diagnose any heart/genetic problems as early as possible. She said she will gladly see me as well, as often as I want, even if it's just to talk or have lunch. She is just amazing.
I am following your blog and journey- we have a CHD baby with a different defect and are due this summer as well. I had to leave my midwife to see a perinatologist- I can't see my midwife any more due to having to switch insurance networks after the CHD diagnosis.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you have her as a source of support- she sounds amazing!
I pray often for your little girl. You seem so very strong. I know not by choice :(
ReplyDeleteI totally understand wanting to try again. In the beginning they could not locate a heartbeat for our LO and DH and I both decided immediately that if one was not located we would try again right away. SO not the same situation as yours and not nearly as painful but I think when you get in baby mode there is no stopping it.
Again T&P to Claire and you family. I'll be following your blog for updates.
I can 100% relate with not wanting to consume caffeine, toxins, etc. No matter what anyone says, you naturally second guess those things. I questioned this and will be avoiding these things next time around as well. It is great to hear you have a wonderful counselor. Your strength amazes me and inspires me. I want to let you know I will keep the prayers coming!
ReplyDeleteLiz - Thank you for following our blog. I wish you the best of luck with your heart baby. I will pray for you and your family. Please keep me updated how things turn out for you.
ReplyDeleteFinley's Mom and jgengo - Thank you so much for your continued thoughts and prayers. I know you both have had your struggles to overcome as well, and I think about both of you guys a lot. I pray for a positive outcome for both of you.