What We've Been Up To

I thought I'd do a review of 2013 since I last posted in June.

July
Just thinking about summer, makes me really depressed about the -50 wind chill today. Please remind me why I live in Iowa! We had some of Brad's family over for the 4th of July. Brady had too much fun with his cousin Blake and fell asleep before the fireworks. We also took him to the local parade, but he was still too young to really be interested, plus there were massive amounts of people. Brad and I both turned 30 in July. Womp, womp. I was actually really down about it, but turns out 30 doesn't feel any different than 29. We celebrated by going to a local 2-day outdoor concert with Brad's brother and sister and their kids. It was Brady's first concert! A first of many I hope. We also went to a pool party at Brad's Brother's house. It was a perfect day for swimming. Brady loves the water and was in heaven.



August
The Mississippi Valley Fair was in town - a concert every night for a week. My mom came to stay with us so Brad and I could go. It's a great time. We saw Toby Keith, Josh Turner, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Jake Owen. We also took Brady one night to see the animals. He especially liked the cows and horses.

September
Brad and I went to Nashville with his brother and sister and their significant others. I highly recommend it! Live music everywhere you go. It's hard to come back. We had beautiful weather in September. The leaves on our tree tend to change color and fall early, so Brady had so much fun playing in the piles!



October
I started a new job. I was in a really bad place in my previous position. The change was a good one. We took Brady to a couple different pumpkin patches. It was also Brady's first time Trick-or-Treating. Even though he was so shy when anyone came to the door and wouldn't say anything, he got lots of candy, which mommy and daddy ate most of!



November
November and December flew by. As soon as the holiday hit, things get crazy. My parents recently divorced so in order to spend as much time as possible with each of them, we had Thanksgiving the weekend before, we spend Thanksgiving day at home, and then had another Thanksgiving at Brad's Brother's the Saturday after. I also received my first Stitch Fix in November. It's a clothing/accessories service. You go to their website, fill out a personal style profile, tell them about yourself, and sign up to receive a fix. You pay $20 up front as a styling fee to cover your personal stylist's time, shipping, etc. You receive a box of 5 pieces from your personal stylist. They send you ideas of what to wear each piece with, which is nice for someone like me who needs help in that department! You try everything on, keep what you want, and send back what you don't in the postage paid envelope that they have prepared for you. If you don't keep anything you don't get your $20 back, but if you keep 1 thing or all 5 things, your $20 will go towards them. Andplusalso if you keep all 5 things you get 25% off everything. I don't have any pictures of what I received, but I plan to post about future fixes since I love to read others' reviews. I kept two of the five items because of my budget at the time, but I really liked everything that they sent. My next fix is scheduled for January 24th! If you're interested, sign up for Stitch Fix here. You get a $25 credit for each person you refer.

December
December was even more crazy. We took Brady to the Festival of Trees. There was an Elmo tree, so of course that was his favorite. We had Brad's work Christmas party the 14th, Christmas with each of my parents the 21st and 22nd, and then Christmas with Brad's family the 27th and 28th. Brady had so much fun seeing everyone and was anxious to wake up every morning to see where Buzz, our Elf on the Shelf, was going to be. We visited Claire during the snow storm on Christmas day. She has some more company now. It makes me so sad that so many others have gone through the pain of losing a child also. The Holidays are an emotional time.



Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

It's Been A While

I'm not sure if anyone is even following anymore, but I decided that I really need to get back to updating this blog regularly. I recently read some of the "heart family" blogs that helped me get through my pregnancy with Claire. Most of their HLHS babies (who aren't babies anymore) are still trucking along and have had/are going to have their third surgery. Sadly there are a couple families who have lost their heart babies. After reliving it all again and having a good cry, their blogs have inspired me to try to start this up again. I might not always post about life after a loss or Brady, but I will have something to talk about.

When you have a traumatic experience in your life it's so helpful and so important to talk about it in some way. Reading those blogs really brought it all back to the surface. Yeah, you get back to your daily routine, chasing around a toddler sure helps, but inside, the pain is still there. It never goes away. I still have bad days. Just a few months ago I went to the cemetery and laid down by Claire and cried. At every new stage that Brady hits, I think about what Claire would be doing right now and wonder what she would look like. We saw a picture of Brad at Christmas when he was 18 months old and you couldn't tell the difference between him and Brady. I wonder if Claire would have looked more like me.

I recently took a new job for a non-profit company that provides services for people with mental illness. Although I am not a counselor myself, I feel so fulfilled and proud to work for a company that helps people who have been through traumatic events in their lives. Pregnancy loss/infant loss is sadly much more common than you think. Most of my co-workers don't even know what we've been through, but it doesn't matter.

I always like to end on a happy note, so here is a recent picture of Brady. He is almost 19 months now. Unreal. He is a chatterbox and is currently obsessed with Mickey, especially the Hot Dog Dance, Elmo, and choo choos. He is my world.

One

Brady turned one about two weeks ago. I cannot believe that my little peanut is one! We had a Willy Wonka themed party for him with all of our relatives. It was a great time. Shockingly Brady wasn't so sure about the cake smash. I mean the kid loves food, but had no idea what to do when we stuck a whole cake in front of him!



Brady is now pretty much walking wherever he wants to go. He's a little wobbly, but is getting better at catching his balance. I really love this stage. He's so much fun. He talks all the time and is starting to repeat what we say. He says hi, mommy, daddy, doggy, fish. Brad is positive that he is now saying hockey. I'm not so sure. I think he's just wishful thinking that the Blackhawks will win!

The sleeping issue is also getting better. This could coincide with the fact that he has recently started daycare. Grandma isn't able to watch him anymore. We scrambled to find a place that we both felt comfortable with. The last place that we visited was the one. It's been a struggle. This is an extremely hard age to start somewhere new, because they understand what's going on. He apparently cries every time someone comes in or out of the door, but it will get better. He will make friends and will probably eventually be happy when I leave!

I stopped nursing and we stopped the bottle right around his first birthday also. We were down to nursing only one time a day and I decided it was time. Brady really had no problem with it. I was definitely more sad about it than he was. He was doing well with the sippy so we figured we would just try to go a day with no bottle and he did great. We feel lucky about that. I was afraid bottle-weaning was going to be a long process. We're all doing great. I've kind of had having another one in the back of my mind, but I think that's still a ways away. We're enjoying Brady and I'm enjoying being not pregnant after having been for almost two years straight.

I also can't believe it's been two years since we've lost Claire. We had a special butterfly cake made for her since I was in labor with Brady last year on her first birthday. We felt awful that we weren't at least able to go to the cemetery on her first birthday, but she and her little brother had other plans. Love you Claire bear.

5 Months

I'm late, but he's technically still 5 months for another week. Two big things happened this month! Brady started eating solid foods and he's sitting on his own! He still resembles a feeble wobble at times, but he's doing great. For food, he's just had carrots and bananas so far. We're pretty sure he liked the carrots better,but we'll keep trying the bananas and other new things. He gets so excited when we put him in the high chair. It's crazy how much he looks like a big boy! He's very smart and wants to see and feel everything. We are putting up the Christmas tree this weekend and can't wait for him to see it. I also think we're going to see Santa tomorrow! Brady will most likely just try to put Santa's beard in his mouth, but it will still be fun to watch. We love him so much, even when he's screaming at the top of his lungs because he's not quite ready for bed! I had a moment today when I thought I might want to get pregnant again soon and then I realized how freaking crazy that is and how much I could not handle being pregnant right now. Here's a picture of B discovering The Christmas lights. This was short lived because he really just wanted to put them in his mouth.

10 Months

No one probably reads this anymore since I'm such a slacker, but I really need to update even if it's only for me to remember milestones, etc. Brady turned 10 months today. Seriously!? I can't even believe it. It makes me sad, but he's so much fun right now. Here's what's been going on the last couple months. 8 Months Brady was battling an ear infection for the longest time. After many trips to the pediatrician and about five different antibiotics, we were referred to an ENT in February who said he is finally clear, but if he gets another ear infection he will be getting tubes. The antibiotics didn't seem to work and it's a genetic thing. Brad had tubes when he was little. He also started loving books. Brady showed no interest at all in books before. We were afraid we were doing a terrible job of reading to him or something, but all of a sudden it just clicked and books are one of his favorite toys. He turns the pages and recognizes certain books/pictures. We have a nighttime routine where we read a book or two before he goes to sleep. 9 Months At his 9-month check-up, Brady weighed 20 lbs. 12 oz. and was 29 inches tall. He's in the 50th percentile for weight, around the 70th percentile for height and like 110th percentile for head circumferance. (Not really that much, but the kid has a big head!) He also has eight teeth. The doctor said most 9-month olds come in with only their two bottom teeth. I'll chalk that up as one of the reasons he doesn't sleep well at night. Ever since his ear infections, his sleeping has gone down hill. We're working on it and sticking to a nighttime routine, so that has helped a little bit. Brady started saying "dada" towards the end of 8 months, beginning of 9 months. He started saying "mama" towards the end of 9 months. He's getting in the crawling position, but not going anywhere. He also loves to hold on to our hands and walk around the house with him or push his cart around while we hold him. Our dog is warming up to him, which is a huge step for her. Brady knows now that if he picks up her toys and holds them out to her, she will come and get them. He loves her so much. I can't wait for the day when Callie is as comfortable with Brady as she is us. We took Brady to a water park for the first time. The water in the normal pool was way too cold, even for us, so we hung out in the kiddie pool the whole time. He had a great time just splashing around and people watching. We can't wait for his swimming lessons to start in a couple weeks. 10 Months Brady just turned 10 months today, but over the weekend he starting crawling! He also pulled himself up on the coffee table and bath tub. We're in trouble now!! He'll be walking before we know it. I'm not ready. Breastfeeding I am still nursing Brady on the weekends and in the morning and at night during the week. He gets two bottles of breastmilk while I am at work. We both enjoy it, and I figure I've been dealing with pumping for this long, I can make it another couple months until he's a year old. I pretty much love breastfeeding and get a little emotional when I think about not doing it anymore. I am pretty sure that as soon as he is one and can have milk, I will be done. I'm ready to get my body back. We'll see how it goes. I may continue nursing in the morning and at night if Brady wants to. I kind of want to start trying again for another baby in the not too distant future, but that's only if I can get Brad on board with having two more kids. If we decide to only have one more, we will probably wait until Brady is at least two.

Updates

It's been a while! Apparently life gets crazy when you have a baby and have to go back to work full-time! I've been back at work for 2 months now and it's not getting any easier. My mother-in-law is watching Brady at our house. People say we have it made, but I still have to force myself to leave the house every morning. He changes so much, so quickly, and I don't want to miss any of it. Hopefully (in the near future) I will be able to work part-time. I used to put everything I had into work and now I do what I have to do to get through the day all while counting down the minutes to get home. Priorities change.

My plan going forward is to use this blog as a way to keep track of how Brady is growing and changing. I would really like to do monthly updates, so we'll see if I can keep that up.

Brady is now 4 and a half months old! Time flies. He's a big boy, measuring in the 75th percentile for weight (16 lbs.) and head circumference and the 98th percentile for height (26 3/4 inches). He better enjoy being tall now, because it's not going to last. He's grabbing for everything (especially my hair) and finally rolled from front to back last week. He's started "talking" to us and smiling like crazy. He's definitely a morning person, unlike me. Maybe because he sleeps 10-11 hours at night with just one short feeding after 8 or 9 hours. He is such a good baby, only crying when he's hungry. We joke that we're not having any more kids because there's no way they'll be as good as him. Shockingly, he has a tooth poking through already and it's not one of the normal first teeth that a baby gets. He loves baths, actually just the splashing water part, listening to music and standing up, with help of course. He currently has his first cold, but hasn't had a fever yet, so we're hoping it goes away quickly. We love him so much. We're enjoying every single moment with him. Fortunately and unfortunately, we know how very precious those moments are.

Here's a couple of his 3 months pictures. Kristin Geerts did such a great job with him. She was very patient with our stubborn boy. We have more pictures scheduled for 6 months. It's hard to believe he'll be sitting up for those.

  

A Little Vent

I go back to work on Monday. This makes me very sad. I haven't posted in a while because I've been trying to enjoy every single minute these last couple of weeks. My mother-in-law will be coming to our house to watch Brady. She already watches our nephew who is 22 months. This should be comforting for me, but it's not. I can't imagine going back full-time and only seeing B first thing in the morning and not again until 4:30 when I get home.

The in-laws came over tonight and we had mother-in-law give B a bottle. It didn't go so well. He was very fussy and cried a lot. She has given him bottles multiple times before just fine. He was having a fussy night, but of course they made me feel like he wasn't taking the bottle tonight because I breastfeed him and don't give him bottles all the time. I was finally able to soothe him and MIL is now worried that B doesn't like her, etc.

I broke down after they left. I'm sorry that I love my child and give him all of my love and affection while I'm home with him. Of course he knows me and of course I can soothe him since I'm the only one who has done that for him so far. There is nothing wrong with that, and no one should make me feel that way. I'm sorry that my first baby died and I had 1 day to hold her and love on her. Of course I am going to love Brady with everything I have. I do not deserve to have people make me feel like my way of parenting is not right. 

Sorry for the vent, but I had to get it out. This next week is going to be so hard for me.

Here's a recent picture of Brady. He is now 13 1/2 lbs and 23 1/2 inches tall. That puts him in the 90th percentile!