We did the Quad City heart walk this morning. Considering they were predicting thunderstorms all morning, the turn out was above and beyond anything we invisioned, and IT NEVER RAINED!! I am absolutely amazed at the thoughtfulness and giving of other people. We were able to raise over $1500, definitely more than we ever expected. That's all thanks to our wonderful family and friends. Both of our sets of parents walked with us along with Brad's sister and her husband, and his mother. Also, about 12 people from Brad's company signed up at the last minute to walk with us. We were pretty touched by that. He works with a great group of people. We plan to do the walk every year in honor of Claire whether she is with us or not. And by the way, I made it the full 3 miles!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Thankful
As I was driving home from work today through what little "downtown" our area has, seeing the homeless and underprivileged, I suddenly realized how many things I am thankful for. I am thankful for my husband and the fact that we were brought together in Mexico of all places. I am thankful for our families and all of the support they have given us through the years. I am thankful for our home and the fact that we both have great jobs. I am thankful for our dog. I am thankful for the fact that it only took us a couple months of trying to get pregnant. I personally know many people who have been trying for a year or more with no luck. We know that if Claire passes, we will have a second chance to start the family that we have been dreaming about. It's terrible and extremely upsetting what is happening with our baby, but there is always someone going through worse. I know this has happened to us for a reason. This whole experience has and will continue to change our lives. I truly think we will be better people when this is all said and done.
Friday, May 13, 2011
"Welcome to the Roller Coaster Ride"
We had a follow-up appointment in Iowa City on Wednesday. We're always a little bit somber on days when we have to go to Iowa City. Each time we've gone, we've gotten more bad news. This appointment went shockingly well. We had an ultrasound, a fetal echo and a meeting with the high risk OB. The ultrasound was first and went well. She's getting so crammed in there it was hard to distinguish her different body parts. They told us everything looked good and we didn't need to have any more!
Next was the echo. This is always the most dreaded, yet informational part. After the news last time, we were prepared to discuss how long she would live after birth if we did nothing, organ donation, etc. To our surprise and the surprise of the Pediatric Cardiologist, Claire's atrial septal defect is looking better. The blood appeared to be flowing freely between the two atria as opposed to last time, when the blood was slowly sputtering through. He said if this remains the case when they do an echo after she is born, she will not be considered high risk, and will be able to have the first of the three surgeries when she is around 5 days old. This definitely changed our way of thinking as far as planning after her birth. We are now waiting until she's born to make any final decisions. We are trying not to get our hopes up too high. They are still giving her about a 50/50 chance of surviving the first surgery. Normal HLHS babies with no other complications have about an 85-90% chance of survival. We feel as though this is a sign that we owe her a chance at fighting this. We will not have any more echos until she is born, so we're now not-so-patiently playing the waiting game.
The OB appointment was short and sweet. I was measuring about 31 weeks instead of 33 weeks, but they said as long as I was within 3 weeks, they aren't concerned. I was prepared to talk induction, but after the surprise from the echo, the plan is now to let me go into labor naturally. The bigger the baby the better they handle the surgeries. They said they won't let me go past 41 weeks. If she's as stubborn as we think she will be, it's possible that we will have a July baby instead of a June baby. I better keep up the walking. I really don't want to go another 8 weeks before meeting her!
This truly is a roller coaster ride of emotion. We are keeping our fingers crossed that we get the same good news after she is born. Not too much longer!
Next was the echo. This is always the most dreaded, yet informational part. After the news last time, we were prepared to discuss how long she would live after birth if we did nothing, organ donation, etc. To our surprise and the surprise of the Pediatric Cardiologist, Claire's atrial septal defect is looking better. The blood appeared to be flowing freely between the two atria as opposed to last time, when the blood was slowly sputtering through. He said if this remains the case when they do an echo after she is born, she will not be considered high risk, and will be able to have the first of the three surgeries when she is around 5 days old. This definitely changed our way of thinking as far as planning after her birth. We are now waiting until she's born to make any final decisions. We are trying not to get our hopes up too high. They are still giving her about a 50/50 chance of surviving the first surgery. Normal HLHS babies with no other complications have about an 85-90% chance of survival. We feel as though this is a sign that we owe her a chance at fighting this. We will not have any more echos until she is born, so we're now not-so-patiently playing the waiting game.
The OB appointment was short and sweet. I was measuring about 31 weeks instead of 33 weeks, but they said as long as I was within 3 weeks, they aren't concerned. I was prepared to talk induction, but after the surprise from the echo, the plan is now to let me go into labor naturally. The bigger the baby the better they handle the surgeries. They said they won't let me go past 41 weeks. If she's as stubborn as we think she will be, it's possible that we will have a July baby instead of a June baby. I better keep up the walking. I really don't want to go another 8 weeks before meeting her!
This truly is a roller coaster ride of emotion. We are keeping our fingers crossed that we get the same good news after she is born. Not too much longer!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
32 weeks
We've been taking pictures each week of my growing belly. It's neat to see the changes. I don't think I look much different from last week, but I've had a couple people tell me that I look like I've dropped a little. I'm not seeing it. The second picture is Brad and I on Sunday at our nephew's baptism.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Next Time Around
When you're told by doctors to "plan for the worst," you can't help but think about when you will try again. I know some people may decide to take plenty of time to grieve and heal emotionally and physically, but we know that if we do lose Claire, we will start trying again as soon as we get the OK from the doctors. I know that there was nothing that I did that caused Claire's heart problems, and that her heart has been underdeveloped since some time between weeks 6-10, but I've already decided that there are things I will do differently in the first tri-mester next time around. I will absolutely not get a flu shot until I am at least 13 weeks, I will stay away from all caffeine, and I will try to avoid the fumes from all cleaning products. I know I can't live in a bubble, but I will do everything in my power to have our future children be as healthy as possible.
Let me just add that I LOVE my midwife! I was dead set on having a natural birth before all of this happened , so I've been seeing the midwives at the doctor office from the beginning. There are a few of them, but I've been seeing the same one since 20 weeks. She was the one who had to give us the news that things didn't look right. She's also become like a counselor to me. I don't have to continue seeing her, but I choose to. She is someone who I can simply sit there and talk to and cry with. She told me this week that when we get pregnant again, I will have to start out having all of my appointments in Iowa City. They will want to monitor the baby much more closely from the beginning in order to diagnose any heart/genetic problems as early as possible. She said she will gladly see me as well, as often as I want, even if it's just to talk or have lunch. She is just amazing.
Let me just add that I LOVE my midwife! I was dead set on having a natural birth before all of this happened , so I've been seeing the midwives at the doctor office from the beginning. There are a few of them, but I've been seeing the same one since 20 weeks. She was the one who had to give us the news that things didn't look right. She's also become like a counselor to me. I don't have to continue seeing her, but I choose to. She is someone who I can simply sit there and talk to and cry with. She told me this week that when we get pregnant again, I will have to start out having all of my appointments in Iowa City. They will want to monitor the baby much more closely from the beginning in order to diagnose any heart/genetic problems as early as possible. She said she will gladly see me as well, as often as I want, even if it's just to talk or have lunch. She is just amazing.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Good and Bad Days
As expected, I have good and bad days with dealing with all of this. Today was a good day. I stayed busy at work and hardly thought about what the future holds for us and Claire. Monday, on the other hand, was a very bad day.
Let me start off by saying that the abundance of cards, emails, phone calls, etc. that we've received mean the world to us. I'm honestly amazed at the kindness of some people. I'm not going to lie, I cry every time I open another card and read the thoughtful things that people say. Monday was just a little overwhelming. When I got home from work we had a package on the front porch from my aunt. I opened it up and it was full of onesies and newborn outfits. I know she means well, but opening that up just tore me apart. It made me so sad that these cute little outfits may never be worn by our baby girl, that they may sit in her room in the box for God knows how long. To me they are one of the constant reminders that our baby may be with us for only a very short time.
My Grandpa also called me on Monday just to let us know that they think about us everyday and are praying for us. I still get emotional having to talk to others about it, so you can only imagine how that phone conversation went.
As far as updates, I really have none. We had another ultrasound last week and didn't see anything new, which I guess is a good thing. We don't have another ultrasound and fetal echo until May 11th. At that time we should have a much better plan for when the delivery will take place and somewhat of an idea what to expect after she is born.
Let me start off by saying that the abundance of cards, emails, phone calls, etc. that we've received mean the world to us. I'm honestly amazed at the kindness of some people. I'm not going to lie, I cry every time I open another card and read the thoughtful things that people say. Monday was just a little overwhelming. When I got home from work we had a package on the front porch from my aunt. I opened it up and it was full of onesies and newborn outfits. I know she means well, but opening that up just tore me apart. It made me so sad that these cute little outfits may never be worn by our baby girl, that they may sit in her room in the box for God knows how long. To me they are one of the constant reminders that our baby may be with us for only a very short time.
My Grandpa also called me on Monday just to let us know that they think about us everyday and are praying for us. I still get emotional having to talk to others about it, so you can only imagine how that phone conversation went.
As far as updates, I really have none. We had another ultrasound last week and didn't see anything new, which I guess is a good thing. We don't have another ultrasound and fetal echo until May 11th. At that time we should have a much better plan for when the delivery will take place and somewhat of an idea what to expect after she is born.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
What To Say
We live on a small, quiet cul-de-sac. There are about 7 houses on our street. One of the ladies puts together a list of everyone's names, addresses and phone numbers and hands them out every spring. Yesterday we were outside with the dog and she came over to get our information since we're the new people on the street. She noticed I was pregnant and asked all the usual questions - when I'm due, do we know what we're having, do we have a name picked out, etc. She then asked where I was delivering. I told her we were delivering in Iowa City because they found some problems with her heart. She said something along the lines of, "You know that happens a lot and most of the time it's nothing. It's when they still have the problem at 5 years old that it's a problem." We just kind of shrugged it off and said we're hoping for the best. Little does she know that our little girl will have this problem her entire life. It will never get better.
Part of me just wishes that no one could tell I was pregnant and then I wouldn't have to answer any of these questions. It pains me every time we have to talk about it. I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like if we don't get to bring her home. What questions will people ask when it's July, August, etc. and you have no baby and clearly aren't pregnant anymore? How will I respond? There's so much uncertainty. June can't come fast enough. If she's suffering I want it to be over for her, but then again if she's strong and can push through, then we want to give her every chance to be a fighter. I guess we will have our answers in about 10 weeks.
Part of me just wishes that no one could tell I was pregnant and then I wouldn't have to answer any of these questions. It pains me every time we have to talk about it. I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like if we don't get to bring her home. What questions will people ask when it's July, August, etc. and you have no baby and clearly aren't pregnant anymore? How will I respond? There's so much uncertainty. June can't come fast enough. If she's suffering I want it to be over for her, but then again if she's strong and can push through, then we want to give her every chance to be a fighter. I guess we will have our answers in about 10 weeks.
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